fading flower
by tatty ted
Summary: AU. Doctor Lauren's back emotionally stable after the events of the last couple of years. Her and Toby are still together trying for a baby and Sofia's settled into reception. Then she meets fifteen year old Harlow, a young girl caught up in a situation she can't escape from. And before Lauren, Toby and Sofia realise, Harlow begins to impact on their lives. - —Toby/OC.
1. CHAPTER I

_fading flower — [chapter one]_

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Five, my little girl was five in a couple of hours. The more I thought about her growing up, the more I began to regret all those birthdays I had missed when she was growing up, not that they mattered now of course. Sofia was here with Toby and me and that's all that mattered.

I sat in front of the fireplace putting the finishing touch to the final present. I was both excited and nervous of her birthday this year, she had been well and truly spoilt! Toby walked into the living room carrying two glasses of wine. He walked towards me and handed me a glass, stepping in the pink wrapping paper.

"Toby!" I smiled as I hit his foot, "what do you think?"

"It's wonderful, she's going to like it."

I placed the present on the pile in front of the fireplace and just looked at Toby. There was nothing spoken between us, both of us content with the silence between us.

"You know I love you don't you?" Toby's question filled the silence and I smiled softly. I nodded my head and answered that I knew he loved me, I loved him too. We were lucky or rather _I _was lucky because mine and Toby's relationship had significantly improved since we had moved from Holby eighteen months ago.

Moving off the floor, I sat next to Toby my head resting on his shoulder. His laced his fingers with mine and squeezed my fingers gently.

"Toby?" I took a deep breath as he looked me in the eye, "I've got something to tell you."

"You have?"

I leant over and kissed him softly, "Yeah?"

"What?"

I paused collecting my thoughts, "You know when we lost the twins? And I said I didn't want to go through it, you know losing another child?"

I knew it was difficult for Toby, it was difficult for me. I felt like I was taking a part of Toby because he'd never be able to experience having a child with the woman he loved because I was too afraid about losing it like we did with Matthew and Joseph.

"What are you saying Lauren?"

"I'm saying, I want us to try for a baby." I knew it was the right decision based on Toby's reaction. His smile grew into a grin and he looked like the cat who'd got the cream. He kissed me passionately before looking me in the eye and asking;

"Why the change of heart?"

I shrugged. I was scared of opening myself up to all that heartache again, I had lost Matthew and Joseph and I very nearly lost Toby through my rebellion.

"I thought that by having another baby I was trying to replace Matthew and Joseph. I'm not, I know that now. The memories we've got off the twins can never be replaced but I want us to try again. I want us to complete the family, its just taken me eighteen months to properly grieve for the twins."

He was happy. I was happy. Sofia was happy and to me, that's all that mattered.

/

"Wake up, wake up, wake up! It's my birthday, mummy, daddy, it's my birthday!"

I opened one eye. The room was still dark and I could just about make out the figure of a child jumping up and down at one end of the bed. I sat up slowly and glanced at the bedside table to the clock.

Despite the time (five-thirty) I couldn't help but smile.

"Okay Sofia, lets wake daddy up!"

Sofia giggled as she put a finger to her lips then jumped on top of Toby. I struggled to contain my laughter when I heard a groan of discomfort from underneath the duvet cover.

I bit my lower lip as I watched Toby peek from under the duvet.

"Where's the fire?"

"Oh daddy! You are silly. It's my birthday! I'm five remember?" Toby smiled brightly before explaining that he had not forgotten her birthday. He could never forget her birthday. As we both stood up, Sofia ran to the door, looking behind her to make sure we were still following.

The moment she pulled the door open, she sprinted along the hall and down the stairs. I almost had to warn her to be careful, arriving in A&E on her special day wasn't a plan I wanted to do today. As she stood by the door, palm on the door handle she asked excitedly;

"Can I go in? Can I?"

I nodded and she squealed pushing the door open. As she stepped into the living room, Toby and I couldn't help but laugh at the voice that spoke;

"Oh wow, there's so many presents!"

/

Swimming, an afternoon at the adventure park, sweets, fizzy pop and E numbers would always catch up with a five year old child. Sofia had done well I must admit, I was shattered from watching her as she bounced off the walls endlessly.

"Come on sleepy head, it's bedtime."

"Can daddy read me the bedtime story tonight?"

I nodded and looked at Toby. He smiled brightly, took Sofia's hand and together they walked upstairs. I collapsed onto the settee, wondering how and why children have endless amounts of energy. My god, I would love to have some of Sofia's energy, it would perhaps come in handy someday.

It wasn't long after that Toby came down stairs and sat down beside me. The Beauty and the Beast was still playing on the television and Toby and I looked at the screen, although not paying much attention to the film. We had both seen it a hundred time, it was just one of Sofia's favourites.

Toby coughed as to clear his throat and said my name gently. I turned to look at him, "Yeah?"

"There's something I need to tell you?"

"What?" there was a silence on his part and I hated it. Every thought that entered my mind was negative. Did he want us to split up? Had he been cheating? Had he changed his mind about wanting a baby?

"I applied for a job at St James' and I've got it."

"Is that all!" I playfully punched his arm as I began to laugh, "You gave me a heart attack, I thought you were going to tell me you didn't love me anymore, or something along those lines."

Now it was Toby's turn to laugh, "No it was nothing like that. You know what I've just said don't you?"

"Yes we're going back to Holby but why? I thought you — we were happy here?"

Toby took my hand in his, squeezed it and answered; "Yes we are happy but Holby was, is our home. We moved away because there was too many bad memories. I feel we're stronger to cope now, not to mention I want Sofia to grow up where we grew up."

I kissed him softly, "Okay, how long have we got?"

"About a month or six weeks. We'll be okay won't we?"

I nodded. There wasn't much choice. In four to six weeks time we were moving back to Holby, the place that held too many memories. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go back but I knew it was going to be okay. I was a different person now, I was much tougher now than I was eighteen months ago. I knew we'd all be okay, we had to be.

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	2. CHAPTER II

_fading flower — [chapter two]_

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I swung my hips to the beat of the music as I painted the bedroom wall. We hadn't officially moved into our new home yet, Toby and I decided that we'd try and decorate as much as possible. I decided to decorate Sofia's room first and make it as similar as possible to help with the transition of moving house and school.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt someone grab me. I dropped the paint roller and Toby started to laugh. I swore at him before turning around and planting a kiss on his cheek. He gently pushed me into the wall which I'd painted and I gasped;

"Toby, I've just painted the wall!"

He laughed and I moved off the wall. He looked around at the four walls that were painted a light pink and smiled. One of Sofia's favourite colours was pink and we'd decided that the bedroom should be that colour, it was girlie, bright and nice.

"You've done all this since this morning?"

"It's not that difficult when you're on your own, how's Sofia?"

"She was fine stop worrying," he kissed my forehead, "honestly Lauren you worry far too much."

It was true, I did worry too much but it was a natural response after everything we'd been through. I constantly thought the worst was going to happen. Like now, I wondered how Sofia was getting on in her new school, whether she was settling or not.

"Cup of tea?"

"Please!" He left me alone again to finishing adding the other coat to the first wall. Despite my efforts not to get the paint everywhere I'd managed to get speckles on my clothes and on the floor. When Toby came back upstairs after making the tea, I'd asked if he'd spoken to St James' which was where his job was.

"Yes I start on Monday," I nodded and swallowed. Toby's shifts were handy for the family as they were six till six enabling him to pick up Sofia from after school club or taking over from the child minder/nanny, which ever one we decided to employ.

As I took a sip of my cup of tea, I pulled a face in disgust; "That's minging!"

"Oh!" Toby began to laugh as he handed me the cup he was holding. It turned out he'd got confused and given me his which for me was far too sweet (he did have three sugars whereas I only had one!)

"Divvy!" I answered back playfully before silence came over us. We both enjoyed our silences, it was soothing for us both and not awkward like some silences were. I eventually broke the silence by placing the mug down, rather loudly, on the bedside table.

"There isn't much left to do is there?"

"Decorating wise?" He shrugged his shoulders and said it was mostly done. Home was slowly becoming a house, our house. Sipping on my tea, I wondered how different our lives would be had we not got back together. Where would I be? Would I still be a Doctor? And most importantly would Sofia and I be happy?"

/

"Mummy?" We're walking along the pavement on our way home. I'd left Toby at home to finish the painting as I wanted to pick up Sofia today. In my free hand was her lunch box and her reading bag and she's holding onto my other hand tightly, "will you and daddy have a baby?"

I didn't say anything for a moment, I just allowed the question to sink in. In the months since the twins death she never mentioned having another sibling. I knew she was moving on, this was her way of moving on, just like mine.

"Well daddy and I would like another baby."

"Will it die like the twins?" I looked at Sofia and shook my head. There was a small possibility of the same thing occurring but I was positive. If I tell pregnant this time, I was going to have a healthy baby. Our baby would be healthy and complete our family.

"No Sofia the baby won't die."

"That's good mummy, it made you sad." She didn't say anything else so I changed the subject. I asked how her day at school had been and she answered that it had been okay. She had made a friend and she liked lunchtime. The happier Sofia appeared, the happier I seemed to be too.

We got home and Sofia took off her shoes, leaving them by the front door and ran into the living room. Plonking herself on the sofa, she turned on the television and began to watch her favourite TV show, "Toby, I'm home!"

He couldn't hear me as he had the radio on so I walked into the kitchen. Sitting down, I took out my mobile phone and dialled an all too familiar number and pressed the call button. Hearing it ring, I pressed the phone to my ear and waited for the person on the other end to speak.

_"Lauren?"_

"Hello dad, how are you?"

_"I'm good thanks, trying to keep a rein on Louis. How are you lot?"_

"Good and we're all good thanks," there was a pause on my side before I continued, "Dad, I've got something to tell you."

_"Oh really, what is it?"_

"Sofia, Toby and I moved back to Holby about a week ago. I wasn't going to tell you, I wanted it to be a surprise but then I figured; I didn't want anymore secrets anymore so I apologise for not telling you sooner."

There was a pause on Charlie's end of the phone before he spoke; _"That's great news! Where abouts?"_

After we had caught up on the phone, me informing my father of my new address and that it wasn't far from the centre of Holby, we decided to call it a night. I agreed to go and visit him for coffee one day when Sofia was at school.

I ended the phone call and left the phone on the table. Scratching my nails against the surface of the table, I stood up and walked into the living room. I sat beside Sofia on the sofa whilst she was watching Horrid Henry one of her favourite shows.

It wasn't long before I heard the scratching of a key in the door. Frowning as I presumed Toby was upstairs, I stood up and went into the hallway. Coming through the door was Toby. I folded my arms across my chest, "I thought you were at home!"

"No, I went out."

"You left the radio on." Before he had chance to say anything, a little figure shot out of the living room and ran up towards Toby. Squeezing him tightly, she screeched his name. He carried her into the living room and put her down on the settee. I followed behind, "Where did you go?"

"The library," I nodded before Sofia said excitedly, "Daddy, look what I drew at school!"

She ran back into the hallway and I could hear the velcro of her school bag open. She ran back with a piece of paper and handed it to Toby, "Look daddy, it's you, me and mummy." Toby looked at the picture, the three stick figures and kissed the top of her head, "It's beautiful thank you."

"I've found a job going for you."

"Oh really, where?"

"Holby City Hospital." I paused. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't thank him for finding a job at the place I'd left. The place which held tonnes of memories (all of which weren't happy) and the very reason we split up in the first place. Making eye contact with Toby, I told him we would discuss it when Sofia was in bed.

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	3. CHAPTER III

_fading flower — [chapter three]_

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Toby tucked Sofia into bed after reading her a bedtime story. Tonight it was Sleeping Beauty, my favourite Disney story of all time never mind Sofia's. I was downstairs on the settee thinking about what Toby had said earlier about the job at Holby.

Holby was my safe haven as a child. It was the place my mother worked, the place my father works and the place my mother died. That place held memories for me, some negative, some positive but it was the place we lost our twins and almost our relationship.

The living room door opening broke me out of my thoughts and Toby titled his head, "Are you okay?"

"Hmm, just thinking."

"About the job?" I nodded my head and he sat down beside me, "Well?"

"I don't know Toby, that hospital was cursed for me and you. We cheated, we argued, we fought not to mention everything else we went through there. First time round everything was so negative that I don't want it to happen again. At the minute everything's perfect."

He kissed my forehead, "It's not going to happen again. Me and you, we got together at a bad time. You'd just lost Ethan and you'd met your daughter for the first time. We got through it didn't we? This, this is a fresh start isn't it?"

"Hmm,"

"Look," he placed his hand and mine on my stomach; "new house, new start. We're even trying for a baby so I promise, I won't let anything go wrong for you or Sofia, you can trust me on that."

He kissed my cheek, "You're unhappy been at home all the time, you miss the rush of ED don't you?"

"I'm not unhappy I'm just — I just miss my independence and not having to rely on you for everything."

"Then go for it."

"But I'm scared." I admitted and he laughed. Pulling me into a hug he told me there was no need to be scared. What ever happened we were stronger now to deal with the consequences. Squeezing my hand reassuringly, I smiled before standing up and dragging him with me.

He asked where we were going and I giggled, "Making a baby if you want too."

As he chased me up the stairs, I burst out laughing before putting a finger to my lips. The last thing Toby and I wanted was for Sofia to wake up. We both wanted a bit of alone time together, some time to ourselves that we didn't usually get.

/

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand after being sick again. I knew it was nerves, I had a job interview at Holby, the same place I used to work at. There was a little knock at the bathroom door and I smiled softly as a voice asked if I was okay.

Flushing the chain I ran my hands underneath the hot tap before opening the door. Stood outside was Sofia, "Mummy's fine darling, she just has a poorly tummy."

With a small smile Sofia kissed my stomach before we went downstairs together. As I began to run a brush through her brunette locks she asked; "Is there a baby in your tummy?"

I giggled, "No silly, there isn't a baby inside mummy's tummy."

After I plaited her hair, she jumped onto the settee and began to giggle. Running the brush through my own hair, I tied my hair into a high ponytail and smoothed down my outfit. Applying a little bit of makeup I admired myself before catching sight of the clock on the fireplace.

Oh bugger, I muttered. I ushered Sofia to get her shoes and coat on so we could leave the house on time (and still make it to school) I definitely didn't want us both been late today, though time keeping wasn't exactly one of my strengths.

I managed to get Sofia to school for eight thirty and travel to the other end of Holby in about forty/forty-five minutes. Arriving at the hospital, I found my nerves playing havoc again and I sat on the wall outside, taking several deep breaths.

Staring at the entrance, I realised I was making such a huge mistake coming back. This place was always going to destroy me no matter how many times I tried to prove I was strong enough to deal with it. Standing up I was about to leave when a familiar voice stopped me.

"Lauren?"

I slowly turned, my eyes falling upon my father. I bit my lower lip before I whispered; "Hey."

What are you doing here?" Before I could reply I burst into tears. My father held me tightly before he took me to the café. Giving me a coffee, I held the cup in my hands wondering why I was so emotional all of a sudden!

"Lauren?"

I made eye contact, "I — I have an interview, today with Mr Jordan. I'm scared dad, I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to deal with what this place throws at me. I'm rambling, I'm sorry." I muttered realising how silly I sounded. Nothing was spoken as my father and I sipped coffee.

He squeezed my hand reassuringly, "Lauren listen to me, your going to be okay. You're going to sail through your interview, Mr Jordan knows how much of a fantastic Doctor you are." Listening to my father I realised he was right. I was going to be okay, even if I didn't feel like I was.

"Thank you," I whispered before finishing my coffee and glancing at the clock. Realising it was almost time, I told my father that I had to go. He offered to walk me to Mr Jordan's office and I nodded. There wasn't anything spoken as we travelled through the corridors, both of us content with the silence.

Reaching the office that read MR JORDAN CLINICAL LEAD, I turned to my father and embraced him; "Thank you."

"Don't forget to tell me how it goes okay?" Watching my father disappear down the corridor, I braced myself and turned to the door. Swallowing hard, I knocked on once and hearing him tell me to come in, I pushed open the door; the palms of my hands becoming sweaty.

"Mr Jordan," he smiled at me and gestured for me to sit down. Taking a seat at his desk, I crossed one leg over the other and glanced around the office. It hadn't changed. He was still as unorganised now as he was back then.

"It's nice to see you back Lauren."

Placing my handbag underneath the chair I made eye contact and smiled warmly, "It feels strange stepping foot in here again." There was nothing spoken until Nick asked how I had been. I told him the truth, how things had been difficult for Toby and I but we'd worked through it, (least we think we had)

"So what made you apply for this position?"

"Because I'm a good Doctor," I laughed; "No. I applied because I miss ED. You know what it's like, the uncertainty of every patient that walks through that door. I miss patching people up. I never thought I would but I do. I miss doing what I do best, helping people."

There was a pause, "If you want the job its yours."

I was silent for a moment, the news trying to sink in; "Pardon?"

"The job's yours, if you want it." It took a while for the news to sink in. Here I was going for an interview, just to be told that if I wanted the job it was mine. I asked why — why after so long he wanted to give me the job.

"Why not you," I shrugged my shoulders. It just seemed strange that was all. Here I was out of work for a year and a bit and I'd gone to an interview and bagged the job, just like that. Of course I had to ask why, it was a natural question.

"You've got the relevant ED experience, not to mention a great work history. You've also worked here before so you know how the hospital works. The job is yours if you want it."

I left the hospital in a daze. I was starting work tomorrow. I had bagged the Trust Doctor position just like that. I sat in a café near the hospital for a few hours, drinking coffee wondering who I should tell first. My father, Sofia or Toby. I decided on telling Sofia first, she was my bestest ever friend.

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	4. CHAPTER IV

_fading flower — [chapter four]_

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It was strange going home knowing I was going to be a Doctor again. I was going back to ED, that place where everything including my own life was uncertain. It was a strange feeling I was experiencing, happiness with a slight numb feeling. I knew it would pass once I'd got over the shock.

I reached home and unlocked the door. Stepping into thee house, the warmth hit me and brought a smile to my face. I sat on the bottom step, took off my shoes and placed them in a neat pile. Heading into the living room, I sat down on the settee and questioned my own decision to go back to Holby.

Was I right to go back? Was I wrong? I realised the more I questioned Nick's decision, the more anxious I felt. I realised it didn't matter what I thought. Deep down, inside my heart I knew this was the right decision. ED was the only place I was truly happy.

I was comfy on the settee watching Jeremy Kyle on ITV2 when the house phone began to ring. With a sigh, I stood up and walked into the hall where the landline was kept. Picking up the phone, I pressed it to my ear, "Hello?"

_"How did it go sweetheart?"_

"Well, I—" I paused keeping Toby in suspense of whether I got the job or not, "I got it. I got the job!"

_"Told you you would baby, congratulations!" _

I walked back into the living room with the phone, "I didn't think I would but I did. Thank you."

_"What for? Tonight I'm taking you out, just you and me. We need to celebrate, I'll get my parents to babysit Sofia okay? I'm going to have to go. Just be ready for seven okay, I love you lots."_

"I love you," I whispered back at the phone that had disconnected and wondered what Toby was playing at. It was very rare he'd take me out for dinner but it was a special occasion, I had just got a job. Putting the phone on the coffee table, I went back to watching television.

It wasn't too long after my conversation with Toby that the phone rang again. Looking at the number, I answered; "Hello?"

_"Hello Lauren it's Camilla," _Camilla was Toby's mother, the person who encouraged Toby to go into medicine in the first place. I smiled softly as I answered; "Oh hello Camilla, has Toby spoken to you?"

_"Yes, would it be okay to pick her up at tea time. Only Edward's currently at a conference and he won't be back in time."_

"That's fine, I guess I'll see you between five-thirty and six?" After saying goodbye, I put down the phone and left it once again on the coffee table. Looking at the clock on the fireplace that read it was half two. Realising I needed to leave now otherwise I'd be late for Sofia, I left the living room then the house.

/

Camilla and Edward picked up Sofia at five thirty and I knew I had an hour and thirty minutes to get ready for Toby. I began to look inside the wardrobe for some clothes, something half-decent for a dinner date.

At the back of the wardrobe was a red dress that Toby had brought for my birthday. Taking it out of the wardrobe, I held it against myself and looked in the mirror. Feeling satisfied that I'd look amazing, I began to get ready still wondering what the hell Toby planned to do.

Hearing a key in the door at nearly seven, I knew Toby was home. As he shouted my name up the stairs, I told him he had to close his eyes if he wanted to see me. With a laugh he made his way upstairs and stood in front of the door, "Lauren?"

"You can open your eyes now."

"Wow," was all that he could say. I stood in front of him wearing the red dress that I'd never worn before. It clung to my hips and my brunette locks were curled and I had a little bit of makeup on. I smiled brightly, "Do you like it?"

"Like it? I love it!" He smiled brightly before walking towards me and hugging me tightly. Kissing my forehead, I wrapped my arms around Toby before telling me I love him. There wasn't anything spoken for a moment before I asked; "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise!" Taking my hand in his, he lead me out of the house, "Oh Toby! You know I don't like surprises!"

"Tough!" Squeezing my hand, he told me it wasn't a bad surprise. I knew nothing could be bad with Toby, he counteracted the bad with his luck (not that he was really _lucky_) Putting down my black heels with my leather jacket, I followed Toby to the car.

Getting inside, I waited for him to get in and when he did, I wondered what was going on. "Toby," there was a pause, "remember this song?"

On the song was a song playing that we were both familiar with. The song James Arthur's Recovery was our song, the lyrics spoke us.

He didn't answer, instead he glanced at me and smiled. I looked out of the window as he drove us to our secret destination. Watching the scenery go past, I felt slightly sick with nerves which wasn't a good idea. Taking a deep breath, I watched as we pulled up outside a restaurant not far away.

"We're here." Toby switched off the engine, got out of the drivers side and opened the passenger side door. With a smile I got out of the car and held Toby's hand.

Inside was beautiful. The floors were polished and the lighting made the room look warm and cosy. I found myself silently cursing myself for wearing heels on polished floors. Approaching the lady at the stand Toby spoke;

"I've booked a table under De Silva for seven thirty," the lady smiled and lead us to our table. It was in the corner and Toby thanked the waitress. He pulled my seat down and as I sat down, I told him; "This is beautiful."

"You deserve to be treated. You're beautiful. I laughed and picked up the menu. Opening it to the starters page, my eyes ran up and down the page trying to find something that caught my fancy.

"Are you hungry?" Toby asked.

I smirked; "I'm starving. I forgot to eat lunch, again."

"How do you forget to eat?" I laughed before explaining that I wasn't that hungry and eating was the last thing on my mind. I was too busy wondering how the hell I'd bagged the Trust Doctor position.

"So, what are you having to start off with?"

"Soup, you?" We ordered our starter, then our main and then finally desert. As we waited for desert to arrive, I thought of how lovely the meal with Toby was. The food was lovely as was the atmosphere and to top it all off, it was nice to spend some time with Toby alone.

"Close your eyes." Toby told me and I wondered why. Before doing what he asked, I asked why and he answered back;

"Just close your eyes," I did what was asked of me and I closed my eyes. When he told me I could open my eyes, I opened them but Toby wasn't sat in front of me anymore. Instead he was on the floor on one knee.

"Toby, what are you doing?"

In his hand was a box. As he opened it, the lightening caught the diamonds in the ring making it shine; "Lauren, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You and Sofia are my entire life and I want to be with you forever. I love you so much, will you marry me?"

I had no idea he was planning to propose to me but here he was, knelt down on one knee with a diamond ring in hand. He was waiting for my answer, the answer that could change everything. A large smile grew on my face as I nodded my head, "Yes! I'll marry you."

The rest of the diners clapped as Toby stood up off the floor, kissed me softly on the lips and slid the ring on my finger. Catching sight of the ring on my finger, I felt excited! I was going to get married. Toby and I were getting married!

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